This is Your Yoga
I do not like to talk about my aches and pains. I want to see my body aches as a gift adding wisdom to my aging sense of self but in all honesty I hate the fact that around summer I lost all flexibility in my right hip and those flexors still cannot behave in my yoga practice. My pigeon pose is gone and my high lift leg lunges are crooked and pull me off balance.
The pain in my low back has increased and I am annoyed and disappointed in myself. That is my honest confession. Yet that is not the advice I would give my clients.
Stay tuned for that.
I took myself to my primary care doctor in late December after waiting over a month for an appointment. She knows me well. She knows my work as a coach and grief counselor and how I use yoga with every client in different ways. She listened to me complain about not being about to open my right hip, always needing my bolster in pigeon pose and my unsteadiness in any high lunges and much more distressing pitiful storytelling about WHY I am growing older each day in my body.
Then she looked at me and said, “This is Your Yoga.”
I stared at her. Really? For this you went to medical school?
“Can’t you tell me what to do to fix this problem?” I asked.
She replied, “Accept your limitations.”
We had a longer conversation and I had an xray and a referral to a physical therapist and when I went to that appointment I was given more advice but very similar to my dr.
This is My Yoga.
Here is what I know 30 days later: I have no arthritis, no hip problem but I am starting to compress my lower discs. My mind has moved off my posture. I am giving too much thought to forward folding and not enough to back bending and OPENING my spine. I rely too much on heat and not enough on icing my back.I forget to prop up my hips when I am in front of the computer and then I selfishly blame my aging body for betraying me and stealing away my yoga.
This is not the fault of my body. This is my mind and how I see yoga in my 70s.
And this is my work ahead of me and what I want to share with all of you because you, too, are aging. You may be facing pain, illness, surgeries, recoveries and you may be told to rest, drink more fluids, stop what you love to do and you may be feeling violated, pissed off and downright angry at your body.
I am angry at my body. I understand.
But here is what I want to leave you with:
Stop being so kind to others if you cannot be kinder to yourself.
Change your perspective on life
Do Less.
Reflect. Write, create MORE.
Love your body. Love the wrinkles, the sagging flesh, the brown spots and red spots and dry skin.
Touch yourself more. I am not being perverse, just suggesting you can give yourself a massage and love how your body feels.
Change habits. Whatever worked for you last month may not work today. Accept that.
Connect with other women who are struggling. Misery does love company and you could actually love being there for a friend in need.
Laugh at yourself. When I tried doing a shoulder stand I completely fell over and got angry with myself. THAT IS NOT YOGA, that is self-inflicted pain.
Find something in yourself or outside yourself to love. Anything. Dogs, Cats, Children. Chickens. Flowers. The snow.
Embrace uncertainty. It is not going away. Learn to love not knowingness.
Do your homework then let go. Stop obsessing or ruminating about how your body looked or worked a year ago or ten years ago. This is YOU NOW.
This is Your Yoga.
My absolute favorite yoga teacher, Judith Lassater, says, “I know you are capable of doing more, but are you capable of doing less.”
That is my new mantra.
How about you?
If you are struggling with aging and aches, pains, illness, and the future of your body, let me know. I am planning to create a new women’s group titled…you guessed it…
THIS IS MY YOGA
Let me know if you want to join and meanwhile do not stop loving the body you have at this moment, its limitations and its pains. You are remarkable just as you are.
kumari patricia