Spring Fever
Most people long for the April showers bringing May flowers. I am not always one to cheer. I find the spring transition with mud, fluctuating cold temperatures and the promise of warmer, even hot days approaching, to be a deregulator for my circadian rhythm. I am a person who loves winter’s darkness so moving tenderly towards summer takes a bit of work and balancing.
I know I’m unusual.
Here is what I often see as the struggle with seasonal transitions: they hold the pulse of memories for my clients around grief, loss and how life feels different.
There are many examples but one that keeps repeating is the challenge with feeling hopeful while grief sits at the doorstep. Clients who experience a significant loss near spring and summer often revisit that loss every year as everyone around them feels joyful and invigorated. Seedlings start to bud. Temps rise. The sky remains lighter longer and yet…I hear clients tell me their hearts are still heavy and emotional energy is low.
It is important to honor the way you feel at the moment.
You may feel very different from your friends who are excited about their gardens and the approach of longer days. You return to an empty house and grieve the silence. How do you cope with loss when the sun is shining and everyone celebrates a season of warmth and togetherness. Maybe you just want to hide and forget how bad you feel.
Here is my advice: do not deny your loss or your suffering.Find your community who will accept you when you show up but they do not guilt trip you into being there. You have permission to hibernate through spring. However, if the hibernation makes you feel worse, more angry, more sorrowful and more distrusting of life, then find one person you can trust and reach out. It could be a professional grief coach or counselor or it could be a friend.
Find one person you can trust. Open up. Share. Be honest and do not expect the sadness will be fixed. It can only be expressed and shared.
Grief is a universal language. We all experience losses in our lives and when you are experiencing a tragic loss, the pain cannot be hidden, minimized, or dismissed in any way.
The only way to heal from a loss in any seasonal transition is to express how you feel. Say the words out loud. Do not worry if the person listening does not understand. The effort you are extending covers all your bases. You are expressing yourself.
That is what you need to do. Do not hide your feelings or say what others expect to hear.
Say how you feel.
For me spring sucks. My mother died in May. My two labradors died in April. Spring invites growth and change but I find I need to get to June to really feel the healing power of the sun and Vitamin D’s energy. Creeping along in Mud Season in my state of Vermont feels like a limp to the finish line.
Figure out your circadian rhythms. Know that a day of rain might feel healing for you but for another person it is a dreadful reminder of a tragic flood that stole their home. We all have memories. We all need to observe the death anniversaries in our life and to have permission to step away or step into whatever supports are surrounding us.
Spring fever can be your sweet spot to healing. Or it might be the place you dread the most.
Stay self aware, self reflective and always, always reach out when you need it.
Kumari Patricia