Kumari Patricia’s invitation to you on this Valentine’s Day
Do not think thoughts of loss…
Your loss has taught you something profoundly reflective in your life. If you feel like you lost a love, then try to remember the love that sits deeply inside you. What was your wife like, or your husband, or your best friend who stayed with you throughout decades of change and challenge? Allow the warmth of memories to wash over you. Try not to avoid those memories but embrace them. See how they changed you.
Who would you be now if that person had never been in your life? Do you see how meaningful the relationship was and how you carry it forward? Your best friend may have died or left you in some way, but what she gave you remains.
You are the sum total of the love of that relationship.
That can be celebrated and not just on Valentine’s Day but as often as you want to celebrate the love, you can because that feeling of warmth, togetherness, laughter till your sides split open, tears and fears and anger shared then patched together like a quilt…it all is a blend of you and the person you love.
It is unique to who you are.
When we experience a huge loss, we feel like we have reached a dead end. It is over. The person is gone. You will never get to hug them or hold their hand again. All we can feel is loneliness and sadness.
Instead of seeing the loss and feeling empty, I invite you to see what you gained in the love.
I know this is a challenge for many clients I work with, and it is why my Ten Steps of the Healing Blueprint is an integration of work with me one-to-one and your own writing, reflections and creative processing and time with a group of other clients who have experienced similar losses in life. My work knits together three important ingredients in your healing:
● self-awareness
● self-care
● self in community
Bring your attention to your thoughts and understand what you are telling yourself about your loss. From your story, you will begin to see what is holding you back. But understanding that you cannot feel different is not helpful until you actively take charge of your thoughts to shift your mindset around the loss. Of course, feelings matter, but when you work to shift the messages in your mind, you will also see a shift in your feelings. Remind yourself of the power of love, the depth of love, and the meaning you hold within you about love that is present and not lost.
In my work, I always begin with the mind and the thoughts. Track them. Reflect on the thoughts that keep you stuck in sadness. Then find a way to work with a grief coach who will support you in shifting the pain of loss into the power of gratefully receiving love.
Kumari Patricia
