Change Ignites Growth
As we age it is expected that we hate change. In our 20s change was an adventure, spontaneous and clever and joyful. But as we root ourselves in careers, families,obligations and financial commitments, we start to hate the unpredictable places that life leads us.
It ranges from our car that blows its engine to our child’s summer camp bill that exceeds our expectations. We thought our paycheck would be more, our rent less and the price of a movie theatre ticket less than a plane ticket to Europe. And sadly, there is nothing we can do about these changes in our lives.
We can groan, feel bitter, angry, resentful. Or we can lean into the discomfort like we lean towards a fire on a cold winter’s night. Our approach matters.
I work with clients who are in a state of distress, chaos and change becomes the hated word they face everyday. Maybe they lost a loved one, or their partner deserted them or they were downsized from a job they loved or the bank took their house.
We call it grieving and it looks different for everyone.
And people grieve differently. Some get angry and isolated. Others dismiss the pain and escape to alcohol and pot.And others…a few others…find a good grief coach who can lead them through this life transition.
Grief and loss is all about TRANSITION and CHANGE.
There are stages to grieving which are predictable and can be processed. But once those get unpacked the next step is actually facing the change created by the loss. If you lose your spouse you face an empty house, eating alone, and maybe the loss of your social circle. What comes next? How does life look and how willing are you to lean into the fire?
Change requires thought and self-reflection. Whatever transition you are facing you must use both your head and your heart.
How does it feel to go to a social engagement alone?
How does it feel to network again and revise your resume after 30 years in the same job?
And what steps can you think through to create an action plan? How has your vision in life changed since your illness? What can you do after surgery, your empty nest, the death of a relationship?
There is an important period of deep reflection on your loss. Your coach, your counselor, your best friend needs to listen and hold your story. Reframe it for you. Listen. Hold you.
You need support.
Life will be different. Yet if you are 60 or 70 or 80 you do have choices.
I love my work with clients because I witness great transitions that a person never expects to experience. They feel empowered and in greater control after a loss. They make decisions and they start over.
Is it easy? Nope. Never easy. When you are 75 and you must find a new place to live or a job to supplement the small social security check, it is NOT easy. You will feel scared. You will fight the urge to cry and run away but with support, you can ignite change which indeed, if you lean into the fire, it will ignite a place of GROWTH within you.
I know. I have needed to ignite it in myself when my partner died and years later another partner left me. If you allow change to unfold you will be surprised at how strong you are.
Do not hate change. It can be the place where wonder and surprise finds you again.
On July 25th I am leading a walk through the forest and a grief group that follows at my beloved Kumari of the Woods. Check out this event HERE. If you are local to Strafford, Vermont or you are traveling here, sign up and be with us that day.
kumari patricia