Stay Safe When You Are Healing

I always believe it is important to nurture positive healthy relationships in our lives and to walk away from toxic ones.But what happens when positive, healthy relationships fall apart or turn on us in a dark way?

When we are struggling with grief and loss and maybe trauma in our life, often our mental bearings get kicked off balance and our judgment skewed. Even with the best of intentions we might fall prey to people who do not serve us and sometimes it is worse than that.

We live in a fragile world right now where even criminals can be elected to public office. In addition, the rate of seniors being scammed by love bombs on dating sites has risen exponentially. There are scammers on the other end of the phone with calls that sound legitimate and safe and even if you hang up the phone from a stranger you feel could be scamming you, then you still run the risk of other predators. Even long time friends may know when you are vulnerable and take advantage of you in a time of weakness and despair.

None of this is meant to scare you but just to remind you to remain cautious and careful.

The most unfortunate matters involve our friends who turn on us and this is why you must be careful to trust the right people. Ask questions. Listen to all the details. When you are able to donate money to a good cause and it feels right then do it. It makes you feel good and only if you can absolutely afford to do that.

If it does not make you feel good or you question the motivations of a “good cause” or you are living on a fixed income, then pause. Do not act.

But this scam goes way beyond giving your money away. It also involves a betrayal of trust and friendship and honor. You may have a childhood friend you have loved for decades and they are in a bad way. They lost their husband or wife. They lost savings and maybe lost their home and need to move.

If it seems safe and you care deeply and you can afford to help them, then do it.

But what if you are a senior on a small, fixed income struggling with your health, medical bills and an uncertain future ahead?  You should not feel responsible for your childhood friend’s bad fortune and as much as you love them and fear for their safety, try to pause and help them in other ways. 

Here is what I see happening frequently:

Those with good intentions can turn ugly. A friend may shame you into feeling bad enough to help them way beyond measure.

Often I see my clients who need emotional support reach out to dear friends who turn their backs until they, too, need support.

This is a delicate dance between being a caring, compassionate friend and establishing limits on how much you are really able to do. When you want to keep friendships then your perspective gets all murky and if you ever struggle with limiting beliefs in yourself, then you could fall into the hands of a not-so-honest friendship.

I am not suggesting you harden your heart. But please protect yourself.

Do not feel you must take care of others when you need care yourself.

And if a friend is a true friend, they will understand your feelings and the grief and pain you feel and they will show up for you without conditions attached.

It is important to stay safe. Know your true friends and do not rush into saying “yes” if you feel concerned or cannot help. Trust your intuition. You have a big heart. When you are suffering or trying to restart your life, you need to stay aware and trust the way you feel in the moment.

With Grace & Gratitude,

Kumari